Singleness: Can It Really Be God's Best?

What if God’s best for me doesn’t mean marriage?

What am I supposed to do?

I think I need to be married, but it’s just not happening.

Can singleness actually be best?

I’m not sure where it all started, but there definitely was a feeling years ago that most people would get married and start families. It was expected. It was the norm. (Most people did marry, and most do today, so the idea wasn’t far off.) As a result, there was undue pressure on single women who hadn’t yet found “the one” to go out and search for Mr. Right. After all, if he didn’t find her, wasn’t she supposed to do something about it?

Today, close to half of the population in the United States is single, and in places like Japan, the statistics are much higher.

Instead of going into the whys and the cultural shifts, let’s go back to our questions. We’ll take them one by one.

What if God’s best for me doesn’t mean marriage? 
If a Christian is walking in God’s will each day, the Lord directs his steps. (See Proverbs 3:5-6.) God’s best for that Christian might mean marriage, but it might not. Even in Bible times, we see lots of singles serving God—happily, I might add. If God’s best plan is singleness, it’s fine. If God’s best plan is marriage, it’s equally fine. You don’t see in the Bible that one is better than the other. They are the two plans that God lays out for human beings, both valid, and both blessed.

What am I supposed to do? 
Well, you’re supposed to be close to the Lord and worship Him. You’re supposed to serve Him. Look at this verse about married and unmarried women: There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34). Do you see the difference? The unmarried woman serves God. The married woman is actually serving God when she takes care of her husband. So, if you’re single, serve God.

I think I need to be married, but it’s just not happening. 
Almost every woman desires romance, marriage, love, and a family. But, if you’re single, it’s not a need for you at this point in your life. How do I know? The Bible says, But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). (By the way, Paul was single and in prison when he wrote this.) Just a few verses before, the Apostle Paul shares, Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content (4:11). If you’re single today, and God hasn’t brought you a man, it’s okay. It’s His will for you, now. It might change in the future—I have friends who’ve married in their forties, fifties, and one in her seventies—but if it’s not God’s will, it’s perfectly okay to be single.

Can singleness actually be best?
Yes, of course. Not one Scripture says, “Thou shalt marry.” The Bible gives instructions for singles, especially that they’re to stay away from fornication and to keep themselves pure for the Lord.* The Bible likewise instructs people about marriage. The fact is that singleness is best for many people. There are many advantages to being single. One is that you have more freedom to serve the Lord. A woman doesn't have to have a man in order to be blessed!

Many single women—especially young women—think they have to go on the hunt for a husband. This isn’t a biblical concept. In fact, in the Bible, the only women that went after men were bad or promiscuous women. Not one godly biblical woman went after a man! (I wrote on this subject here, if you’d like to read more.)

To sum up, if you’re single now and walking with the Lord, you're quite okay. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. What a wonderful calling!

May God bless you!

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* 1 Corinthians 7:34; 1 Peter 2:9; 1 Corinthians 6:18; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 4:3