Photo by: Ambro |
Did you ever wonder where customs come from? Why is it that, in a wedding, the preacher asks, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” If the woman’s father walked her down the aisle, he answers, “I do” or “Her mother and I do.” Why does anyone give the bride away?
The answer's in the Bible. Since the Old Testament Law,
a girl’s father is responsible for her until she marries. There doesn’t seem to
be an age limit on the father’s authority. Let’s look at some of these
passages.
The Fifth of the
Ten Commandments reads like this: Honour
thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the
LORD thy God giveth thee (Exodus 20:12, also in Deuteronomy 5:16; 27:16;
Matthew 15:4; 19:19; Mark 7:10; 10:19; Luke 18:20; Ephesians 6:2-3. The Apostle
Paul says it’s the first commandment with
promise—of long life. When a biblical command is given multiple times—in
this case, nine times—it’s something God wants to make sure we do.)
So, what does it
mean to honor one’s parents? Isn’t that just for little kids? I think
there’s a distinction made between little children and adult children in how
they honor their parents. Let’s look at Ephesians 6:1-3. 1. Children, obey
your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2. Honour thy father and mother; (which
is the first commandment with promise;) 3. That it may be well with thee, and thou
mayest live long on the earth. In verse 1,
there’s the word obey. It means “to
obey, to hearken to.” The next verse says honor. It means “to honor, value,
revere.”
There’s an interesting passage in the Old Testament about a
woman making a vow to God. Let’s read it: If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself
by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth; And her father hear her
vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold
his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she
hath bound her soul shall stand. But if her father disallow her in the day that
he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her
soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father
disallowed her. And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered
ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it,
and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall
stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her
husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow
which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound
her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her (Numbers 30:3-8). Notice that the girl’s authority is her
father, unless she is married. Then, her authority is her husband. Her earthly
authorities are her spiritual leaders. This particular passage seems to be
speaking of a young woman who lives under her father’s roof. (In the customs of
Bible times, single women lived with their parents until they married. They did
not live independent of their families.)
In the curious
story of Jephthah’s vow, the daughter in question was a young woman. When
her father told her of his vow to God, this was her response: And she said unto
him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according
to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth (Judges 11:36a). Notice her sweet submissive spirit, even though her
father’s vow to God meant that she would never be married or have children.
There are many references to the father giving his daughter
in marriage: Genesis 34:8; Deuteronomy
7:3; Joshua 15:16; Judges 1:12; 1 Samuel 18:17; 2 Kings 14:9, and others.
Why does the father give the
daughter to the groom? It’s because it’s
a transfer of authority.
We live in 2014, so how does
this apply to young women today?
- A woman must honor her father.
- The father is his daughter’s authority until she marries, therefore a single woman should listen to and heed her father’s advice. This doesn’t have an age limit on it. A single woman’s father is her God-given protection.
Let me share some true
stories.
I’ll start with my own:
My father had several rules for anyone wishing to drive me home from church or
take me out on a date. The young man had to comply, or he didn’t have the
“privilege” of driving me home or dating me. I sincerely believe that my dad’s
rules protected me. I had a steady boyfriend for three years, a wonderful
Christian young man who treated me with respect. My parents didn’t have peace
about this young man for me. I broke up with him. Later, he married a good
girl, and I married my husband. My parents were right; he wasn’t God’s best for
me.
Cynthia* shares, “With
my parents’ permission, I had been dating a Bible college student for a year
when my parents, other adults, and several of my friends realized that he had
become extremely manipulative and controlling. My parents told me to no longer
communicate with him other than what was polite and unavoidable. I was crushed
and was convinced that they were wrong, didn’t understand him, and would
eventually change their minds, but it never once even crossed my mind not to
obey. I thank the Lord because it soon became abundantly clear that my parents
were right.”
Kathy’s* father made
any young man wishing to date his beautiful daughter do a set of things. One
day, a man who had shown her many attentions asked Kathy’s father if he could
date her. Kathy’s dad seemed to handle the whole interaction badly, and the
suitor got discouraged and quit. Some five years later, a much more wonderful
man showed Kathy attention, did what her father requested, and Kathy and her Mr.
Right are serving the Lord on the mission field today.
This testimony is from Jeanne.* “The only issues I had with my dad was once
I had met and started dating my (now) husband. I was living on my own, felt
very grown up, and my dad was in another country. He still found a way to keep
me in line, though! I got an official curfew for the first time in my 20+ years
(never really needed it in high school or college, but I didn't see it that
way). I failed to tell my boyfriend about my 11:00 curfew, though. We were at a
singles activity that turned into a prayer meeting for some missionaries
shipping out, and were out until after midnight. No problem, right? Such a safe
place and godly cause. I justified it in my mind. Problem was, my dad called to
check up on me, and I didn't answer. An hour later, he called my boss at home. Woke
the whole family up . . . . I was SO embarrassed and livid. I was MAD. So mad
that my dad decided I probably wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship
after all, and called my boyfriend to call it off. Thankfully, my honey was a
LOT more mature than I was and responded with great submission, told my dad he
took full responsibility, even though he was not aware of my curfew, would
never let it happen again, thanked my dad for his concern, etc., etc. Dad
called me back after 2 AM and told me he thought he could trust Anthony* to
keep me in line, and that was that. I did submit to the rules even though I
didn’t really understand them. We had very high standards when it came to
dating, but none of them were my idea. I'm so, so grateful. I am thankful for a
dad who made it his business to make an expensive international call to make
sure I was safe—from myself.”
Tasha* says, “I came home from a Christian college after
my freshman year and didn't want to go back the next year. I didn't have a
problem with the rules or anything. I just loved being home and didn't want to
leave again! Anyway, my dad told me to go back for just one semester and if at
Christmastime I still didn't think college was for me, I could stay home then,
but just to give it one more semester. I did it, and guess who I met on my
first day back on campus? My amazing husband! Needless to say that by
Christmas, I wanted to stay and finish my education! I am forever grateful
for the wisdom of my father in making that decision for me.”
Dawn* says, “Whew! I was almost engaged to a man who wanted to
be a math teacher instead of a missionary. (While dating, he said he was going
to be a missionary.) My dad did not care much for the young man, but had no foundation
as to why, but when he found out the man didn't want to be in missions, he
found his reason! I broke up with him. Three months later, I met my missionary
prince.”
Nancy’s* testimony: “My father was very strict not only whom I
dated but who my friends were. My father not only interviewed each about their
spiritual condition but oversaw all dating. My dating was always at youth
activities and always chaperoned. I married a man who eventually ended up being
a pastor and then a missionary.”
Frieda* shares, “My dad simply told me there were red flags in
his mind about the man I was dating during college. I broke off the
relationship and trusted that the Lord put that leadership (my dad’s) in my
life. The Lord sent my husband the next year.”
God has put authorities in our lives to
protect us. Our
duty is to respect them and listen. A girl's father is her protection in matters of the heart.
* Not their real names, but
their stories are true.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please share your thoughts.