Don't Let the Big Fish Get Away!

Illustration by: digitalart

The old man tells his grandson, “When you hook that big ‘un, reel ‘im in, slow and careful-like. Don’t let the big ‘un get away!”

But this post isn’t about fish.

It’s about men.

Woman meets the interesting man at another church’s activity. She quickly changes churches.

Lady meets an intriguing man in another state while on vacation. She suddenly feels “led” to move to that state.

Young Woman meets up with a childhood friend after six years, and he’s not married. She “friends” him on social media and keeps in touch—every day.

Lady meets someone interesting who works in the next building from her. She makes sure she “happens” to go to the same restaurant for lunch, at the same time he does.

These scenarios are played out all over our world—the Christian world. Let’s see what the Bible has to say about them.

“Aw, Lou Ann, you don’t mean that the Bible has something to say about today’s mild flirtations!”

Well, no. There’s nothing in the Bible that says, “In 2014, this is how a single woman should or shouldn’t act.” But, we can always find an answer—if we want to.

Let’s look in the Bible.

Which biblical women went after men?

• Lot’s daughters—incest with their father
• Judah’s daughter-in-law, Tamar—incest with her father-in-law
• Rahab and other harlots
• The “strange women” in Proverbs—married women who went after other men while their husbands were away, and harlots
• The repentant woman who anointed Jesus’ feet—also a harlot

In the Bible, all the women who are mentioned as going after men were loose women. Not one is an upstanding Christian woman except for the one who anointed Jesus’ feet. Jesus said about her, Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much (Luke 7:47a).

“Okay,” you may say, “those first scenarios have nothing to do with that kind of woman! They’re about Christian women making themselves available or putting themselves under the noses of eligible bachelors. Is that wrong?”

Again, remember, in the Bible, the only women who made themselves available weren’t regarded as good women.

“Ah!” you say. “You forgot about Ruth. She’s called a virtuous woman.”

Yes, she was, and she was acting in strict obedience to her mother-in-law’s directions and to the legal customs of the day. (You can read “Did Ruth Chase Boaz?” here.)

Should a Christian woman change churches, move to another state, initiate contact with a man, arrange to be in the same place at the same time as a man, etc.?

I think not, and here are some of my reasons: 

1. The woman is taking the pursuer’s role. Men by nature want to be the ones that pursue. Most men are turned off when the woman has taken the initiative in the relationship. As God has made the husband leader of his home, He wants to lead in any relationship. (A woman can encourage him, but he should be the one making the first moves.) A man doesn’t want to be caught or trapped. He wants to pursue and do the catching.
2. The woman is acting on her own and not with God’s leading. In the Bible, you never see a godly woman going after a man. I believe this is an indication that He frowns on such behavior.
3. The woman is exhibiting a lack of faith. The Bible says, Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). It says to trust God with your heart! Don’t you think that God can (and will) direct the right man to you—if indeed God wishes you to marry? Don’t you think that God can make your paths cross more often, if God so chooses? Don’t you think that God can even impress someone from another place to move to where you are? The phrase he shall direct thy paths means literally “He shall make your paths straight.” God is able to straighten out your life path. If a certain man is in God’s will for you, he won’t miss you, and you won’t miss him. When you pray and let God arrange—or not—your romance, it is a truly God-blessed thing. Trust God to make something happen—or not. It’s a whole lot better to be single in God’s will than married out of it.
4. Contrived meetings are fakey. They end up looking tricky. A man isn’t stupid, and he can sense when a woman is putting herself under his nose. He will not like being manipulated.

“But Mrs. Keiser, you’ve been so negative.”

Okay, you’re right. Here are some positives:

• Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD (Proverbs 18:22).
• Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

P.S. Notice in the above verses who does the finding.