Five Easy Steps That Will Improve Your Marriage

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If you want to improve your marriage, these steps are transformational and they’re easy to incorporate. Your marriage might be good, medium, or not so good, but these steps can be life changing.

What are they? They are so simple that it’s amazing we don’t usually think of them. Over the years, through good books (the Bible being one of them), and good advice from older women, I have put them into practice in my own marriage.

See what they will do for you! 

1. Say hello and good-bye. Even if your husband walks into the house fifteen times a day, every time he comes in, say “hello” or “hey, Babe.” Let him know you are glad he’s there. If he goes away for work and comes home, make sure he gets a welcoming committee upon arrival—you (clean and looking good), the kids, and the dog. His coming home is as important as any king returning from battle. Make it an occasion. When he leaves, give him a kiss and an “I love you.” (I once read a testimony by a young woman who had lost her husband in an automobile accident. The last thing she had done was kiss him good-bye, and the last words they said to each other were “I love you.”) Send him off with your love, and welcome him back with love.

2. Say please and thank you. You’re probably asking yourself, “Is this a manners lesson?” Well, yes. No one is more important than your husband. When he does anything for you, say thank you. When he gives you anything, say thank you. Just be grateful. When you want something done or you want to buy something, say please. Don’t nag. Ask.

3. Don’t contradict your husband in front of your children or in public. It’s very important, because this conveys respect. If you don’t agree with him on something he’s saying, either let it pass, or, if it’s really important, talk to him alone later. It is downright ugly to take him to task in public. In most cases—like when he remembers details of a story differently—it makes absolutely no difference in the great scheme of things. Who cares who walked in first or what color the car was? Let him tell the story as he wishes.

4. Be happy to help. When your husband asks you to do something or to go somewhere, your automatic reaction needs to be, “Sure!” From the very first woman on earth, wives are supposed to be helpers. Even if it means turning off the stove for five minutes, do what he asks you to. (If it’s urgent you finish stirring something on the stove, of course, ask if it can wait a minute or two. Your husband is a reasonable man.) Be happy to do what he wants you to do. Make his priorities your priorities—accompanied with a beaming smile and a happy tone of voice. 

5. Affirm your husband. This is done in several ways. The first is to talk well of him always. There’s an old saying, “Even the birds don’t mess in their own nests.” Your husband isn’t an angel. You know it, and he knows it. But no one else needs to know it. Keep criticism quiet. A side benefit of this is that you will begin to think positive thoughts about him, looking for his good points. Oh yes, he has them! You married him because he had some positive qualities that you don’t have yourself. You admired him for them. Look for the good, and praise him often and openly. Talk about his gardening, his mechanical or cooking skills. Only speak well of him, and compliment him. In private, do the same. Of course, in private, you can be more personal. Tell him how you like his smile, his muscles, his dry sense of humor, the way he . . . . Just like you need encouragement, so does he. Affirm your husband. 

I can guarantee that, if you incorporate these five life habits into your marriage, they will transform it. I can also guarantee that, in most cases, your husband will react positively. You can work on one at a time, if they’re all new to you. Or, you can work at all of them at once. Put this short, 5-point outline on your phone, and refer to it all through the day. Write the points on Post-its, and stick them around the house.

These ideas are born out of the Bible commands for wives to help and respect their husbands.

• Eve was created to be her husband’s helper. So were we. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).
• We’re to respect our husband. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence (respect) her husband (Ephesians 5:33). Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement (1 Peter 3:6).

Her children arise up, and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praiseth her (Proverbs 31:28).