Adultery: Misconceptions and Facts

Adultery is basically cheating on one's spouse. There are three kinds of adultery:

1. In the heart—imagined adultery. Jesus said, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:28; also 2 Peter 2:14) 
2. The act of adultery. It's one of the Ten Commandments, Thou shalt not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14). Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness…. (Galatians 5:19)
3. Marrying a divorced person after divorce. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery (Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18. See also Matthew 5:32; 19:9.).

Adultery is nothing new. It was a problem in Bible times, and it's a problem today—much more so because of the rampant use of pornography.

It's a subject that needs to be addressed because there are many misconceptions. Let's look at some of them.

• Misconception 1—Adultery is no big deal. Well, it's a big deal to God. It's one of the Ten Commandments, God's basic moral law (Exodus 20:14). It's also prohibited in Deuteronomy 5:18. In the Mosaic Law, adultery carried with it the death penalty for both the man and the woman. And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death (Leviticus 20:10). At the very least, whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul (Proverbs 6:32). Adultery is sin, a serious sin. In the New Testament, Jesus mentions five times that it's important to abstain from adultery. It's mentioned many more times, too. When the woman was caught in adultery, Jesus forgave her, but He didn't sugar-coat it. He told her to go and sin no more. (John 8:3-11).
• Misconception 2—Adultery in the heart is as bad as a physical adulterous relationship. I believe they are different, though both are sinful. Almost all sin is conceived in the mind before acted upon. Biblically, the act seems to be worse than the thinking, though a Christian should bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (1 Corinthians 10:5b). God's standard of holiness includes the mind. (Click here for a complete post about adultery in the heart.)
• Misconception 3—If one's spouse commits adultery, the couple should divorce. Though Jesus said, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery (from Matthew 5:32a; 19:9), He never promoted divorce for any reason. In fact, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). It is wonderful when the couple can be reconciled. I personally know several couples who have successfully reconciled after a spouse's adultery. These teachings of Jesus apply to everyone, even married couples: Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother (Matthew 18:15). Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him (Luke 17:3-4). Is it difficult to forgive adultery? Yes, very. Trust must be earned and established again. But, forgiveness and reconciliation are possible with biblical counseling and the Lord's help.
• Misconception 4—It's okay for divorced people to remarry. We've already read one of the four passages about this subject (above) and listed the similar passage and two that mention the exception clause about fornication. The Bible also says, For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man (Romans 7:2-3). This next passage might apply to a woman leaving her husband in the case of abuse. Notice what it says about remarriage: And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

God wants marriages to work. He designed marriage to be a lifelong commitment between husband and wife. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31). A loving marriage is a beautiful illustration of Christ with His church (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Becoming one is something God does when the wedding takes place. The physical relationship is part of it, but the marriage bond means much more than that. It's a sacred institution. Marriage forms a family. That's why adultery is such a serious sin and God hates divorce. 

Let's guard our marriages. When temptations come, we can redirect our thoughts, flee, or whatever's needed. (Remember Joseph?) And, ask the Lord to lead you together in His perfect will.

If adultery has happened in your marriage, get counsel from a Bible counselor. 

 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, 

and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; 

and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

(Ephesians 5:31-33)