Paranoid or Protecting: Why Parents Need to be More Hands-on

These are some of the true stories I've read about or seen on TV news in one week:

• Many American 14-16-year old girls reported missing this week
• A six-year-old girl found dead, abducted from grandmother's house, raped, and killed
• Several beautiful little boys missing
• A mother follows up on a creepy stranger in her church, who befriends only children and ignores adults.
• Adolescent introduction to porn
• A young man on a train rescues trafficked girls by noticing their distress and contacting authorities.
• Young women were befriended by a handsome young man at a sport venue. As they laugh and talk, a middle aged man makes signals with the young man and begins to come over to the girls. Thankfully, the girls' mom's friend notices the older man's actions, and they were able to call the girls to leave and rejoin their parents immediately.

Back when I was teaching a group of mothers in Sunday school, I made the statement that our children (even teens) need to be protected 24 hours a day, that we need to know where they are, what they're doing, and with whom. Some of them thought this was extreme. They commented to their friends saying I was old-fashioned, totally out of touch with the times. We don't need to limit our children, they said. We should trust them and give them freedom.

There are many parenting styles, and it's okay to differ one from another. It's great if you can be relaxed and flowing. It's also fine if you're fairly hands-on. Usually, your spouse will contrast with you, and it evens out in the end.

But, parenting styles are not what I'm talking about. My post is about knowing what's going on in your children's lives—all the time. It's about awareness. It's about recognizing red flags when you see them. It's about protecting your children from negative influences, abuse, and even human trafficking. There's no way you can protect your children 100% of the time, but you can do a very good job.

So, what can you do?

1. Be informed. There are many good resources about child trafficking, about how preditors befriend and groom their victims, and about the effects of pornography on the mind. Do your due diligence and know what's going on. I might add that there are dangerous phone apps popular with young people. Find out what they are! Don't be ignorant.
2. Be aware. Know what's going on in every place your child will be: his school, sports club, extra-curricular classes of all kinds, church, and where he goes in his leisure time. Know with whom he is (leaders and peers), and make it a policy he is not ever left alone. Also, notice your child's behavior. Does he seem nervous or bothered? Ask him what's going on in his life.
3. Be there. The best way to protect your child is if you are with him. In some of the above examples, the parents actually rescued their children from imminent harm because they were in the vicinity. If you are with your child, you will be able to pick up on any "tricky people." Even for our own older teen children, we told them when they had to be home, and for late events, we took them and picked them up. Never let your child go anywhere completely alone.
4. Prepare your child. Tell your child what to do if and make up scenarios. There are lots of ways to do this. Some families have a secret password. Some have speed dial for parents on the child's phone. Both are great ideas. Make sure you talk openly about porn, drugs, and inappropriate comments and touching. You must prepare your child to know how to escape awkward situations. Keep an open relationship with your child, so that whatever happens in his life, he feels free to tell you about it. Unfortunately, you need to have talks with even small children about bullying, touching, and if they don't feel comfortable about someone. Also, make sure you ask specifically about these topics from time to time.
5. Cultivate a close family. From the time your children are small, do things together as a family. Have fun. Eat meals together daily. Camp. Travel. Enjoy each other. Make sure that all family members feel secure and valued.
6. Pray for the safety and wellbeing of your children. Remember Job? He prayed for and offered sacrifices for all his children (Job 1:4-5). Ask the Lord to protect them. He can do it better than you can.

I don't think you need to be paranoid, but there's a fine line between paranoia and acute awareness. Put up your antennae. Notice what's going on. Be a satellite mom, not a helicopter mom. If you ever sense something's not quite right, ask. If necessary, act. Don't just let things happen. And, don't be naïve.

What kinds of behaviors should you look out for?

• It is not normal for an adult to seek a special friendship with a minor. If you or your child observes this happening, it's a red flag.
• Do you notice your child acting bothered or nervous? Find out why.
• If your teen will not tell you with whom he/she is chatting or meeting, and he or she's not being honest with you, something's up. By the way, you should personally know all of your child's friends (chat and personal). Don't let them chat with or meet with people you don't know. (Having said that, most abusers are relatives or friends of the family. That's why it's so important to know your children well and listen to them if they feel uncomfortable around anyone.)
• Beware of sleepovers. Unless you intimately know the family—all the members of the family—and all of the teens who will be there, don't let your child attend. Many Christian parents don't let any of their children do sleepovers at all. (This makes the whole vetting process much easier.)
• Entertainment choices are important. The movies and video games a child sees affect his mind for good or bad. This includes when they visit in someone else's home. As a parent, you have the right to draw the line and approve or disapprove everything your child sees. Make sure you define porn (awful, naked photos) to your children and tell them to report to you if they are ever exposed to it. They will be, and you need to talk about it.
• Notice anyone of any age who tries to separate your children from you. Move in and change the situation.
• Does your child spend a lot of time in his room, alone, with his door shut? This should not be allowed. He is probably into chat or porn or both.
• Most important: trust your gut. If you perceive any threat to your child, keep him away from the source. It's better to be overly careful than to allow your child to be hurt.

My personal opinion is that kids don't need smart phones at all. I would say yes to a simple phone so they can contact family and approved friends. But, the Internet in a youngster's hand? No. It's a Pandora's box and not necessary.

I believe we need to change our 21st-century parenting to be more protective than ever before. Why? Because there are more predators. They look like "nice people," but they want to destroy your child. They can be peers, leaders, friends, church people, and strangers. They are all around us, seeking vulnerable targets. Be careful and vigilant. Your child's wellbeing depends on you.

And, pray. This doesn't relieve you of responsibility, but with God's help, I believe we can do better at noticing red flags and dangers and be better with protecting our children.

How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! 

therefore the children of men put their 

trust under the shadow of thy wings (Psalm 36:7).

Some of my previous blogs inform parents. You might want to read: How to Recognize Grooming and Avoid Becoming a Victim; How to Recognize Human Trafficking; and How to Prevent Abuse and Human Trafficking.