Blame Your Parents?

A father walks out on his wife and children. The mother works hard to support her children, who pretty much raise themselves.

A little girl grows up hearing her parents’ arguments day after day. She’s afraid when they fight, and she tries to decide which of her parents she would choose to live with, if they were to split up.

Six children watch as their parents divorce. They don’t understand what went sour, but they know it wasn’t a good thing that their parents went their separate ways. Now, some live with mom, and others live with dad.

A young man never knew what it was like to have a father. His father left the family about the time he was born. He only saw his dad a few times in his life until well into adulthood.

A girl’s mom worked in a bar and lived loosely. She tried to do the best she could for her family, but the girl grew up ashamed of her mother.*

All of these children can point to their past and say, “I suffer because of my mom (or dad, or both).” Some say, “I can’t help the way I am, because of what happened when I was a child.” Some determine in their hearts never to be like their mother, father, or both parents. They make up their minds to live differently, to guard their own marriages tenaciously, and to be better.

Those who determine they're going to be different are my heroes.

You see, all of these scenarios happened to my friends. And, I’m glad to say that most of these children grew up to be wonderful adults. They’re overcomers.

Oh yes, every child was affected, but not every child let his parents’ decisions define him.

Modern psychology plays the blame game. No, they don’t call it that, but that’s what it is. Look back into your childhood. Bring out your hatred. Feel your frustrations. Dig it all up and rehash your childhood, blow by blow.

As a result, children become victims. They blame their parents. A troubled home defines people.

But, that’s the opposite of God’s perspective!

It’s true that one’s home life affects children. No one denies that! If it is happy, children grow up carefree and well adjusted. When there are tensions, children may suffer emotional damage. It is sad that more and more children are growing up in broken homes. More and more kids hear their parents fight. Many children only know one parent. They are hurting, and my heart goes out to them. Especially where there’s abuse in the home, children can be deeply damaged. The good news is that God can help every child who has suffered.

In one post, we can’t address every scenario, of course, but let’s look at three basic facts:

1. God cares. When we understand God’s great love, it becomes a beautiful and precious fountain from which to draw. God’s love is greater than any other.

• Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7).
• The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee (Jeremiah 31:3).
• For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

2. You’re not responsible for your parents’ decisions or actions. They are. Parents are responsible for their children, not children for their parents.

• So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God (Romans 14:12).

3. You are responsible for your life. Ask the Lord to help you forgive those who've hurt you and help you move forward. This is a process. It involves learning to trust the Lord. It’s about doing right, even though your role models didn’t. It’s about making adult choices. With the Lord’s help, you can bring God glory through your life.

• For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14-15).
• For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's (1 Corinthians 6:20).
• Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God (Philippians 1:11).
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23).

If you have grown up in an abusive, conflictive, or a one-parent home, get the help you need. Go to a Christian counselor. You can also memorize Bible verses that address your particular challenges. Make sure you study the Bible about others with similar situations to yours. How did God take care of them?

And will be a Father unto you,

and ye shall be my sons and daughters,

saith the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18).

No matter where you came from, you can thrive!
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* All are true stories with a few details changed in order to protect anonymity. Most occurred many years ago.