Women and Pornography: The Problem and Steps to Take

I see all kinds of blog posts about men and porn, but oddly, no one seems to mention women’s use of porn. Statistics say that between twenty and fifty percent of women are porn users. It’s obvious that it’s not only guys who are into this. Nor is it a new phenomenon. Years ago, women read erotic romance novels—the vicarious thrill of reading steamy love scenes with fictional characters. Then, it was music videos with their extreme sexual lyrics and dance moves. Add movies with sex scenes. And, there’s porn—book, script, spoken, and pictures.

I heard this definition of porn: “you know it when you see it.” Why is it so . . . different? Because porn’s not beautiful, pure, wholesome, or helpful. It’s a totally distorted depiction of sexuality and not at all what God wants for us.

How do I know? (No, I’ve never accessed it. I won’t even do a word search.) Anything other than God’s standard isn’t right.

Let’s look at what the Bible says about sexuality, and we’ll draw some practical conclusions. Note: Many of these passages are written to men, but the same principles are valid for women.

Mind

• Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee (Isaiah 26:3).
• Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things (Philippians 4:8). 

Eyes

• I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? (Job 31:1)
• I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me (Psalm 101:3).
• Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way (Psalm 119:37).
• But mine eyes are unto thee, O GOD the Lord: in thee is my trust; leave not my soul destitute (Psalm 141:8). 
• Jesus said, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:28).

Sexuality

• God only approves of sex in marriage, not in any other context. Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. . . . Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins (Proverbs 5:15; 17-22).
• Thou shalt not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14). 
• My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies (Song of Solomon 2:16; 6:3).
• Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).
• Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife (1 Corinthians 7:2-4).

Pornography is like a drug. It affects the mind. It causes people to want more and different highs. It messes people up. It twists people’s thinking, desires, expectations, and marriages. Even women are addicted to unrealistic lies about something God wants to be amazingly beautiful. 

Is it any wonder we’re having problems in our churches? (Oh yes, some Christians use it, too.)

If you read what you shouldn’t, look at what you shouldn’t, listen to word porn, or look at pictures, what can you do to change? If you’re addicted, what can you do? 

Is there healing? Can you please God?

Happily, the answer is yes!

If you’ve been involved in porn, or you’re counseling someone with this addiction, here are six biblical steps for victory:

1. Confess your sin. Call it sin. Confess it to God. He will forgive. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
2. Kill the specific sin of pornography. Cut it off! Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence . . . . (Colossians 3:5a). Get rid of whatever avenue you use to access porn: movies, books, music videos, magazines, etc., and make yourself completely transparent and accountable for all of your online activity. Make sure you only access content when you are with someone else, and the screen is easily seen. If you’re married, become accountable to your spouse, and do any and all Internet access in your living room, accompanied by your husband. If you accessed porn on your phone, switch to a simple “dumb phone,” so that all you can do is make phone calls. Do these measures sound radical? They are. Do you want to please God? Take charge. Kill the habit. Go cold turkey. 
3. Be accountable to someone. And let us consider one another to provoke (spur on) unto love and to good works (Hebrews 10:24). In addition to your husband, it’s good to have extra prayer support and accountability. Find a godly woman who will regularly ask you how you’re doing. Ask her to pray with you and for you. If you slip up, be honest and tell her. Ask the Lord for forgiveness and help, and move on. Be determined to do right. 
4. Substitute good for bad. That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. (Ephesians 4:22-24). It’s so very important not to leave a void when we give up sinful habits. If you used to read erotic novels, change to reading Christian adventure or mystery novels (not romances!). You can also read classics, like Jane Austen’s books—and watch the movies made from them. If you have a problem with MTV, control what you watch by investing in old, squeaky clean movies and watching them with your family. If you have problematic online habits, I’d advise reading Christian blogs, following Christian women on Pinterest (Follow me, if you like!), and limiting yourself to clean social media.
5. Gratitude is an antidote for impure thoughts and actions. Read what the Bible says in Ephesians 5:3-4. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. When our hearts are giving thanks to God, they aren’t dwelling on impure thoughts. When you’re tempted to look at, read, or watch anything that glorifies fornication and other filthy behavior, start thanking the Lord for His goodness. Praise Him! It will change you.
6. Wear the armor of God daily.  Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:11-17).

Pornography doesn't please God and it shouldn't have a place in a Christian's life. If you access porn in any form, ask the Lord to help you stop today. If you have a friend who's addicted, share this post with her and offer to be her accountability partner. God bless you!