What Married People Can Learn from The Singles Survey

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I hope you’ve been following The Singles Survey. If not, the last three posts are the results of a survey I conducted of 28 single Christian women. They are from different nationalities and backgrounds, and all love the Lord. I think they are representative of the singles in our churches, wherever we might live.

Here’s another quote: “Being single can be good or bad. Since I’m single, I see it as something good, because I understand that it’s what God wants for me now. Being single has its advantages and disadvantages—advantages because you have more freedom to serve the Lord, travel, study, exercise, etc. . . . but also there are disadvantages. You can feel alone sometimes. And sometimes you have to do things all by yourself.”

I believe married women can carry away several lessons from the ladies in our survey:

1.  Include single women in our circle of friends. They are absolutely okay mingling with everyone. Be warm, real, and inclusive.

2.  Single women are just as valuable as married women for teaching. Just because she doesn’t have a husband doesn’t mean she doesn’t know her Bible. (Have you ever read Nancy Leigh DeMoss? She’s single. Indeed, one of the most prepared, godly women I ever heard teach Sunday school is a single woman.)

3.  We need to watch our speech. It doesn’t help to tell a single lady:

• It’s her fault she’s single.
• You’d like to match her up with __________ (whomever).
• She needs a husband.
• She’s “single.” (She already knows that. She doesn’t want to be defined by her marital status. People don’t point to us and say, “that married lady.”)

4.  We need to understand that most single women (including divorced ladies, single moms, and widows) battle with loneliness. Maybe we can help by being a genuine, caring friend.

5.  Don’t overburden your single friend with too much work. She does, in some ways, have more time than you do—especially if she has no family to care for. But she may work full time, plus cook, clean, and do daily tasks. Ask first if she can take on your project. Then, be okay with her answer.

6.  Consider mentoring younger, single women in the things of God. (Titus 2:3-5; 1 Corinthians 7:34)

7.  Perhaps this one is the most important: acknowledge singleness as a perfectly legitimate option for Christian adults. The Apostle Paul did (by inspiration of the Holy Spirit). He encouraged Timothy, who was a young, single pastor. The Bible truth is that there is an important place for singles in the world. Not everyone has to be married. Indeed, God views singleness as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7-8). Some women really and truly don’t care if they ever marry. They may have “the gift.” Just because a woman isn’t married now doesn’t mean she won’t ever marry. 1 Corinthians 7:34 explains both roles: There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

8.  Many single women desire very much to be married, but they are not willing to marry someone who would not be a kind, gentle, spiritual leader. They are waiting for the Lord—should He please—to bring them the man that He has in mind. I believe it is wrong to try to speed this up by matchmaking. God has His plan, His timing, and His ways of making things happen—if He wants to. Young singles who are walking with God will not mistake His leading. Many of the women who answered this survey also understand that it is not right to go after men; they are simply trusting God.

9.  Singles have much to offer Christian ministries. They organize, do secretarial work, evangelize, and teach. They have contacts with people we will never meet. They have the time to do more one-on-one visiting and to do more with groups as well. I was amazed at some of the career missionaries’ responses. God is using them greatly in many diverse areas of service. Again, there’s nothing in the Bible that says a single woman can’t teach married women. (There’s no distinction at all in the Bible.) We must be careful not to limit ministry opportunities to only married people and families.

Almost half of the people in our churches are singles. It is important to realize the potential and energy they add to our congregations.

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Stay tuned for one more post on this important theme. It’s for “singles only”—but we can all read it.