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Friday, August 2, 2013

Men Are Responders, Too!

You know the old male-female clich├ęs. Here are some of the many book titles on the subject:*
            Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
            His Needs, Her Needs
            Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti
            His Brain, Her Brain
            Difference Matters
            He’s Okay, She’s Okay

Men and women are different, very different. God made us that way so we can complement each other. A married couple works together with their unique strengths to make one amazing unit. It’s the way God designed us, and it’s great!

Most couples, after a few years of married bliss and oblivion, become frustrated with those differences. I think women especially have this problem. Do you recognize some of these thoughts?
  • He doesn’t notice what I’m wearing or even if my hair is done.
  • He doesn’t tell me sweet nothings like I’d like him to.
  • He doesn’t know how to be romantic.
  • He doesn’t ______________________________________ (whatever; you fill it in).

For one thing, your focus should never be on what your spouse doesn’t do; it’s supposed to be on the positive things he does do.

But, let’s approach this subject from a different angle.

For the lady who craves romance and doesn’t think she’s getting any from her hubby, what is she doing? Let me suggest that you try this experiment:

Make a terrific dinner some evening. Make/bake something you and your husband both love. Either put the kids to bed first or conveniently arrange for someone to watch them for a few hours. Set a gorgeous table with a tablecloth, your prettiest dishes, napkins, glasses, and some kind of centerpiece. Make sure you have candles on the table, and light them right before you both sit down to the amazing meal.
Make sure all cell phones are turned off.
Wear something pretty. You don’t have to look ready for Sunday church, but put something on that makes you look good.
Right about now, the typical husband is wondering what’s up. He thinks you might be buttering him up—quite literally. He’s suspicious. He’s never had to eat alone with you, in his own home, with nothing but candlelight.
He might ask if it’s okay to turn the lights on so he can see his food. (Yes, it’s okay. He’s being a man, practical.)

Look into his eyes—when he’s not intent on the next tasty bite—and smile. Enjoy your meal. Think of something to praise him about. “Thank you for . . . .” “You know, I really appreciate the way you fixed the . . . .” Whatever! But, say a few positive things. Build him up as a man. Tell him he’s the good-looking hunk of manhood you’re glad you married.
Do not ask for anything. Do not say one word that’s negative. Just adore your husband and enjoy the yummy meal.
Afterwards, play it by ear. Either clean up, or watch a movie with your husband, or go pick up the kids from your friendly sitter. Anything is okay. You have already succeeded.

What did this do? It accomplished several things:
  • It affirmed your relationship with your husband.
  • It showed him what it looks like to be romantic—and his gorgeous wife (you!) initiated it. (You also didn’t spend extravagantly. This can be done at home.)
  • You gave your husband positive feedback.
  • You told your husband nice things about him personally.
  • You did not nag, beg, or criticize.

How will your husband respond? It might be in one or more of the following ways:
  • He might fall over dead from shock. (I’m kidding here, but don’t try it on a husband with serious heart problems.)
  • He might enjoy the meal and then be very quiet afterwards. (This means he’s thinking about his amazing evening.)
  • He might drag you to the couch and cover you with kisses. (It worked!)
  • He might suggest you do it again sometime. (It worked!)
  • In a couple of months, he might ask you out on the town and have someone keep the kids. (It worked!)

Even if your husband shows no visible response whatsoever, you will have succeeded. You will have created an unforgettable evening with the man you promised to love and cherish for the rest of your life.

Repeat your romantic meal at home every two months. Plan it all yourself. You’ll both start to look forward to them.

Do you desire love and romance? Make it happen. You won’t regret it!

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands, to love their children (Titus 2:4).

If you decide to try my experiment, let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear! (No too personal details, please.)

*I have not read any of these books. This is not a recommendation of any or all of them. The book list is for illustration purposes only.


  1. Great article! I LOVE your idea and if I were a betting woman, I bet that hubby will also LOVE it. Just returned from time away and what a wonderful thing that was. He responded in word and deed! It was so special for both of us. Now, I'm going to "bring it home" and try to recreate his fave meal from the trip. Thanks for the idea!

  2. Great post! Another idea would be to go with him to something he likes that we might not necessarily (ball game, hardware store, etc..)

    1. Oh yes, marriage is about sharing, after all. :o) What WE think is romantic might not exactly be what HE thinks is romantic. Thanks, Barbara!


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