You Can't Prevent Sexist Remarks All the Time, But . . .

The Daily Mail’s (United Kingdom) opening story was a feature about a meeting between the Prime Minister, Theresa May, and Nicola Sturgeon, the First Minister of Scotland. One can imagine the importance of such a meeting, the ideas exchanged, and the gravity of the situation, as “Brexit” (the British exit from the United Kingdom) was just around the corner. What was the photo? A picture of the two women seated together, focusing on their legs. The title said, “Never Mind Brexit, Who Won Legs-It!” Inappropriate and sexist? Absolutely!*

Now, Mrs. May and Nicola Sturgeon are both known for their sharp and (usually) modest clothing. The skirts they wore weren’t actually short, but when they sat down, they rode up. The photographer chose a low angle, which maximized their legs, and this photo ended up on the front cover of the newspaper.

If you’re a woman, and you want to prevent people thinking of you as your body instead of your ideas, I have some great tips for you. (Some people are twisted and only see people as bodies. They have a problem! You can’t prevent all sexist talk.) But, you can go a long way to prevent people ignoring your ideas and objectifying your body.

Here are my tips:

1. When you try on skirts or dresses, before buying, make sure you can sit modestly. Sit on the seat in the dressing room. See how far the hem rides up. If it’s above the knee, from any distance, it looks short. If it covers the top of your knee, you need to keep your knees together and not cross your legs. If it covers your knee completely, you’re safe.
2. If you will be seated on a platform or in a public space—anywhere—make sure your skirt is quite long.
3. Be careful with low-cut tops. If necessary, layer.
4. Watch armholes in sleeveless clothing. After trying on your outfit, stand next to a mirror. Stand sideways, and even look at the backside of the arm opening. Lift your arm. Move around a little. Can people beside or behind you see more than you would like them to? If so, consider buying clothes with armholes close to the arm—or wear sleeves.
5. Be alert to tightness. The other day, I saw a news presenter who was wearing a top that completely covered her body. It was in a bright, pretty color. Over that top, she wore a black cardigan that buttoned just under the bust, leaving her curves popping out of it—in an eye-catching color! She was covered, but every outline of her chest was on display. Be careful about anything that’s tight—on any part of your anatomy.
6. Be careful about accents. Since the way clothing looks depends on your body shape, be conscious about the parts of your body you don’t want to call attention to. (Ask a trusted friend, if you need an honest opinion.) For example: does a pocket, stripe, or flower fall right on the bust? Is the pocket detail on the curve of your backside? Does the cut accentuate bust, hips, or thighs? Be careful with color blocking, too.

If you want to be taken seriously, you need to dress like your ideas matter more than your body. Dress with class and flair, and keep modesty in mind. That way, no matter who takes your picture or where, no one will title it “Legs-it.” I promise.

Finally, let’s read a part of the description of the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31. Notice what she’s remembered for and how she acts, speaks, and dresses.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household:

for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD,

she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands;

and let her own works praise her in the gates (Proverbs 31:10, 17, 21-27, 29-31).

Let’s be women that people remember for our contributions to family, the Lord’s work, compassion, and strength. Our clothing choices are a big part of that. Let’s honor God!

* March 28, 2017 front page, The Daily Mail.

Setting Boundaries

What are you willing to do—and not do? Where do you draw the line? Why is it important to set boundaries and keep them?

I believe part of the reason setting lines and boundaries is important is that it helps us—and our children—know what to expect and how far to go. It prepares us to say no when necessary—and yes when expedient. Boundaries help us to visualize our own limitations and better be able to work within them.

Let me give you a few examples for clarification.*

1. Bobby knows his mother has said that he may not do sleepovers. She told him that it was a family preference, and that she and his father had decided together that this would be a policy for their family. Andrew asks Bobby to stay for the weekend at his home. Bobby knows he doesn’t even have to ask his parents, since he already knows the family rule. He tells Andrew, “Thanks, but my folks don’t let us do sleepovers.”
2. Daniel is a forty-year-old man. He's checking his favorite online news outlet and scrolls down, seeing several enticing articles featuring scantily clad women. He chooses to scroll back up to the news and not to even view the titles at the bottom of the page again. Why? Daniel is committed to keeping his mind pure. He knows that if he slips once, pornographic material—even soft porn—will not help him to focus his mind on pure relationships, and especially on Christ. Daniel decided on this biblical boundary way before seeing the photos at the bottom of the news page: I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? (Job 31:1)
3. Marcia is on a shopping trip with a group of girlfriends. They pause for cold drinks in the mall’s food court. Sitting around the table, one of Marcia’s friends begins to tell some stories about another woman who’s not at the table. They’re not nice stories, and soon, other women are adding their comments and laughing. Marcia recognizes this as gossip, and she bravely says, “I think we need to change the subject. It isn’t right to talk about another person this way.” All eyes focus on her, and Marcia’s face turns red, but she stands her ground. The conversation changes to happier topics, and the atmosphere becomes comfortable again.
4. John and Brenda have been dating for a few months. They sit down and talk about physical contact before marriage and how far they want to go. They decide that they want to save their first kiss for marriage, and that holding hands and side hugs are all they want to do before becoming husband and wife. John and Brenda don’t make it public, but they agree together that setting this boundary beforehand will keep them from temptation later. When several months pass and they are deeply in love, they know they made a wise decision. How they wanted each other! But, passion would wait a few months—until she walked down the aisle in her dazzling white gown and gave herself to this wonderful man, who respects her enough to save physical love for later.

Bobby, Daniel, Marcia, John, and Brenda knew their limits. They had boundaries that were based on parental authority, a commitment to purity, and obeying God about not gossiping. Ahead of time, each of these individuals had made a decision about boundaries. In Bobby’s case, his parents put the boundary in his life for him, and he chose to honor it.

Setting boundaries is a biblical concept.

• I have hated the congregation of evildoers; and will not sit with the wicked (Psalm 26:5).
• Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely (Psalm 58:5).
• I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy Word (Psalm 119:16).
• Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said, But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up (Daniel 3:18).
• Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof (Romans 6:12).
• Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work, To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, showing all meekness unto all men (Titus 3:1-2).

When we make up our minds to be obedient to the Bible and to set personal boundaries according to God’s guidelines, we help ourselves to deal with temptation. That’s what the armor of God is all about:

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth,

and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

Above all, taking the shield of faith,

wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And take the helmet of salvation,

and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,

 and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.

(Ephesians 6:14-18)

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*These are completely fictional scenarios based on true-life dilemmas.