Too Many Children? Too Few?

Sarah Jane* has five children. She’s a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling, and doing all she can to keep her brood healthy and happy. When she goes to the grocery store with all five in tow, she hears: 

1. Are all of those yours?
2. How do you do it?
3. There’s a way to prevent having so many children (wink, wink).

I’m sure Sarah Jane is tempted to answer:

1. “No, I kidnapped two of them last year.” Or, “Yes, I just can’t resist my husband. You ought to see him,” accompanied by a huge smile.
2. “Do it? Do what?”
3. “Oh, really? Thank you very much. I think I’ll give some of them back.”

We have friends who’ve adopted, and some of their kids have darker skin and some are lighter. The stares she would get, when taking her children out together!

My dad was an only child, a miracle baby. I wonder if his parents were criticized for having only one. (We have two children and have been talked about for only having two.)

How about those parents who would love to have a child and can’t? I can just imagine what they hear from nosy people:

• Isn’t about time you started a family?
• What’s your problem?
• Don’t you want children?

Consider the many parents who've suffered miscarriages. 

Some women (or their babies) have nearly died in childbirth. Maybe the couple doesn't want to risk another birth.

Three women I know were told they would never have children. (Two of them married men who’d had chemo for cancer, and one had a serious physical problem herself.) God ruled otherwise, and all three are mothers today.

Other friends adopted children.

One couple I know never had children and didn't adopt. They dedicated their lives to serving the Lord together on the mission field.

So, why am I sharing these scenarios with you?

Because I believe we need to be aware and cautious with the comments we make. Soon, it will be Mother's Day, the most difficult holiday of the year for the childless, for those with babies in heaven (miscarried, passed away, or aborted), and for people who've lost their own mothers.

Here are some biblical guidelines for how to speak to people about their children:

• The Bible teaches that every single child is a blessing and God-given. If a person has ten, he is blessed. If he has one, he is blessed. If he has adopted, he is blessed. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate (Psalm 127:3-5).
• It's simply not our business how many children someone else has. It is only the couple’s business—and God’s. In the context of how a woman should not act, the Bible says: they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not (1 Timothy 5:13).
• God is the Judge. Each couple is responsible before God for the decisions they make. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God (Romans 14:12).
• As Christians, we’re supposed to be kind and encouraging. A virtuous woman openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:26). With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. . . . And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:2-3, 32).

How much better it would be to make comments like these to the mother of many:

• You are surely blessed.
• Your family is an encouragement to me.
• Could I babysit, so you and your husband can go out to eat?
• How I enjoy talking to your kids!

If a woman has only two—or one, or none:

• Befriend her.
• Be encouraging and not critical.
• Don’t pry. (It's none of your business.)
• Don’t judge her. (That’s for God only.)
• If she tells you why she has one, two, or zero children, keep the information to yourself. This is private and should be guarded as such.

Be sensitive to those who’ve never been able to have a child (and those who’ve had abortions or lost children) on occasions like Mother’s Day and Mother-Daughter banquets.

Let's be kind and encouraging!

Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth;

keep the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3).

____________________

* Sarah Jane, name and all, is made up. She is typical, but she doesn’t represent anyone I know.

  

Fiction Review: The Tenth Plague

Photo courtesy of Apolonia, Free Digital Photos

The Tenth Plague by Adam Blumer is one of those where-is-this-going, scared-to-death, what-next, can’t-put-it-down books. I loved it!

The plot is so different that at first I wasn’t sure if the author was saying what I thought he was saying. The Tenth Plague begins with the account of a long-ago mining cave collapse that killed all but one miner. Then begins the present-day story of a couple who’ve recently adopted a baby boy. Marc and Gillian have been invited to spend some time in a resort owned by a wealthy friend of Marc’s. They go, deciding to enjoy some time together and away from the pastorate for a few days. At the same time in the same resort, there’s a convention of Bible “translators” that are working on a new “Bible” combining Muslim and Christian texts into one. Protestors against the project are gathered outside.

All of a sudden, extremely weird things begin happening. A secretary turns on the faucet, and blood comes out. To her horror, she’s trapped in the bathroom, and the blood keeps coming out, overflowing the sink.

Then, a man dies, covered with . . . . I won’t tell you, but believe me, it’s horrible.

As the sheriff, Marc, and others come to grips with crimes mimicking the ten plagues of Egypt, the plagues keep coming.

Why?

Why did the perpetrator leave out the plague of the flies?

Why does the autistic boy keep disappearing, and where does he go? What is this boy trying to say through his drawings?

What is the cause of this? Who is guilty? Does he have accomplices?

When Marc begins to find out some of the answers, he finds danger of his own . . . and he is positive that, this time, he will die.

A thriller in every sense of the word, Blumer’s book is even scarier than his first book, Fatal Illusions, which I loved. There are several great Christian lessons in it, woven into the story about Marc and Gillian and the plagues crimes. It contains lessons about: forgiveness, trust, moving on, revenge, hatred, the challenges and beauties of autism, and more. Blumer says the seed idea for the book came from reading this Bible verse: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book (Revelation 22:19). If you’d like to read another review of this book and an interview with the author, you can access it on my friend Barbara’s blog here. (She's even hosting a giveaway of this book!)

Do you enjoy reading a good, clean, exciting (to put it mildly) thriller? The Tenth Plague is great! Five stars.

(Note: I don't usually publish two book reviews back-to-back, but I didn't want you to miss out on Barbara's giveaway of this book, should you want to sign up.)